Time flies. It’s now the mid August and a part of me just wants things to slow down. In a month, I am supposed to be opening up a cafe. But tracks leading up this day.. It has all been a blur. I have had my heart broken.. And I am still mending. The person who broke my heart ended up having theirs broken too. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Work is stressful with more clients. A new friendship has blossomed, but I am terrified. Terrified of this sudden change. It has been 6 months since I left NZ. I think I’ve given myself enough time and I have moved on.
I think about you day by day. I wish I didn’t. But I can’t help it. I wanna know how you are, if things has settled down for you, if she’s treating you right, but more importantly, if you’re thinking about me too.
Knowing you, you probably would stop yourself from getting in touch with me. You probably rely on Facebook to know what’s going on with me. Yet you’ve probably filtered me out somehow so that if you post an update on Facebook, I won’t see it. You’re scared I’ll get hurt or angry. Especially if it’s with her.
But that’s ok. Maybe it’s good for me. Then I can move on.
But I’m scared that because it’s taking me this long to move on, that you’ve lost interest. Or that you’ve gotten used to the fact that we don’t talk. I fear I’m not needed anymore and that our friendship doesn’t mean as much.
I have a lot of fears. I’d ask you myself but maybe it’s time you focused on your new relationship. I need to learn to give space.
But know that I miss you. Like mad. If only you knew.
The silence drowns itself out
As the subtle memory of you creeps in
The echoes of the laughter and words exchanged filters through the thin yet nail scraped walls of my being.
You came as a silhouette of a figure that raced through my body, my soul, my being, my heart.
Life evolved into an indescribable happiness. An itch wanting to be in each other’s presence.
Then the tears, the pain, the good bye, the next chapter.
Why it had to be you, something I’ll find myself asking over and over again. But a question left unanswered.
But there is more to cherish.. And soon that itch will fade. And soon perhaps that question will be answered.
And soon, I will be ok.
