I feel bad because they make such a good couple. That I see him happy and just wish that I could share that happiness with him. But it has been years and I too have fallen in and out of love with other people. Yet he is still at the back of my mind and there are still these mixed emotions hiding somewhere.
I hate it because she’s so pretty. They look like they would make really pretty babies.
I hate it that after all these years, I’m still here, happy to wear my shorts, jandals and shirts. That I probably still look the way I did 10 years ago.
I hate it cause it doesn’t seem as though I’ve moved on and I’m still stuck. Stuck in a nutshell wishing I could fit through the tiny cracks. Shit..
I woke up to some sort of war-like sound. It jolted me awake, I quickly slipped off my sleeping mask, got off my sleeping position, onto my knees and looked out the window. Somehow I thought it was something that exploded in my apartment building, but then all I saw was the rain that had started pouring down, and then realised it was just a clap of thunder that had woken me up. 3 hours after dosing off with sounds of George FM streaming on my computer, 4 hours earlier than my usual sleeping routine.
I looked over at my computer and realised that I had just missed a Skype call a few minutes earlier. That Skype call that was the reason why for a couple of days now, I would keep my laptop on as I slept. That Skype call that was the reason why the volume on my laptop was at its loudest. Just to see that smile… Just to hear that voice.
I can’t sleep now. It’s a Friday night, a supposed night out to party. Might be too cold to go out for people in a place I’d rather be, usually a little bit of Friday night that was spent at home rather than out. At home on Skype. Talking, laughing and joking around on Skype. But that’s just a rare occurrence. And for some reason, the conversation might not go the way it used to. How I hope to God it wouldn’t be like that and things would continue as normal.
But on this side of the world, in my part of life, there is still work till tonight, on a Friday night.
Yet here I sit, twiddling my thumbs, sleepless. Hoping and praying that certain person would make a miraculous appearance online, because I’d rather be tired and sleepy at work knowing that I had spent my aching hours with that person on Skype.
Yuck Aubs. You’re such a romantic.
So I see a trend with me when it comes to love. I confess my love. They push themselves away.
Months later, they come back confessing their feelings.
It has happened 3 times now.
And each time, I am left breathless, hopeful… Yet in the end, hurt.
I don’t want to get hurt again, I rarely ever fall in love and when I do, this happens.
