I’ve tripped, and I’ve fallen. I’ve made decisions on choices that in the first place, I never wanted to make. My head is filled with words, that it’s ready to explode in any time of day. Insecurities have built up, and I’ve taken the fall, into a sea full of crabs. And being optimistic gets tiring, but being a pessimist drains you more. So what now? I’ve tried to take a step forward, but there are chains wrapped around my ankles and I find myself falling on my knees, scraping themselves on the glass covered path. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so they say. I try to shy away from my emotions. I try not to fill my head with too many words. I try not to feel anything. What makes you can break you. And there is nothing to do but sit and wait. Things will get better. And I’ll find myself flying instead of falling. The chains around my ankles will break away eventually, and the blood from my knees will be wiped. The shitty now will be then, and soon…then will be a brighter now.
she tries to make it all ok
with denial, lies and persuasion
sometimes she believes you,
sometimes she makes an excuse.
things are not what they seem in her world
she wants your love, your eternity
you say she has your heart
she needs to be sure before she leaps
but why go through any of it?
you’ll end it at some time
and all will be forgotten and lost
she will be broken at your hand.
Awakened from a sullen slumber
Run away from woes of screaming and fighting
Hemorrhage from a blow to the head
The leach of the blood that your shallow dagger has gored into me.
Trickles of blood remain on my black pillow.
As I yearn to stay in that vigilant state to scurry from the thoughts and visions of our distant past.
But as the days and nights carry on
Musings of you sink into my already-flooded soul
And follows me into the unfathomable black hole of dreams turned nightmares.
Consciously my legs are aching, sprinting to cross the line to wakeness.
My breath heaving in my hollow yet stocked chest
Struggling to recover, struggling for a gulp of air.
Everything is now you.
Everything is now about running away from you.
Everything is now about running, sprinting, sacrificing the perfect breath because of you.
Yet every night, I place my head on that bloodied pillow
Aware of what the distant slumber could give to me.
Knowing that you will be standing at the end of the finish line, the final vision before I wake into reality.
Your face, your persona will follow me day by day.
Like the devil that floats on the side of my head.
Yet still I remain vulnerable. Vulnerable to the fiend of our broken past.
You remain the devil inside my head.
